This is my first Father’s Day without my dad. I really thought I was going to be okay, but it has hit me the last couple of days. Tears coming out of nowhere. But I guess my family is pretty much used to that. I know I have been so busy taking care of my mom that I haven’t processed and grieved for my dad. But even though he wasn’t capable physically at the end to show much affection, he always showed it in his smile and his words to me. One of the habits I had developed over the last several months was leaving my parents, and now my mom, with a prayer time in their room. My parents never prayed with us, but I know they are believers and I believe my dad is in heaven rejoicing even now. But I decided I wanted to live out my faith in another way and pray protection and kindness from the nursing home workers. To leave my parents in God’s hands when I couldn’t be there. I wanted my kids to see me loving and trusting God with the two that gave me life. So tomorrow as I celebrate Father’s Day I’m going to take time to remember some of my special times with my earthly dad and be grateful that I have a heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally.
But what I really want to say is to my husband Tim. You have shown me so much about unconditional love through these last 10 years especially. We have been through more trials and pain than I ever imagined. And even this week as we were faced with another disappointment you just loved on me and told me I was incredible. Now is my turn. You have changed and grown as a father in so many ways. Our adoption situation has challenged you often to learn the difference between being the protective papa bear and the loving cuddly bear, loving when our children didn’t deserve it. Forgiving over and over and being willing to change parenting techniques and consequences when it didn’t make sense. Being a consistent earthly father so our children can know God the heavenly father. And seeing the tender side of you with Channing, Rachel’s god-child, brought back so many memories of our days with little ones. Even now, amidst all the chaos of running your own business, church activities, online school and striving to be a worship minister, you still make time for your kids. Friday breakfast with Rachel or Joshua, reading and cuddling every night with S and M, playing in the freezing pool when I won’t go near it! You are simply a great dad. You have overcome the lack of parental role models in your young life to model your life after your true father God. And I am incredibly proud of you. I still want to partner with you to raise our children into godly adults. It’s still hard, but there’s no one else I would want to share this journey with. Thank you for loving me through pain and loss this year and in the past. You are my hero.