For you homeschoolers, how do you know when enough is enough? Education, I mean. I have homeschooled for 15 years and sometimes I still feel like a failure. We were only into 6th grade for my oldest when we adopted our sibling group. B had so many issues that masqueraded as learning issues. She did have learning “challenges”, but at the core was the RAD. Then B left and M and S became the focus of my attention, with the diagnosis of RAD for them, too. Then 2 years ago my mom and dad both ended up in rehab and then a nursing home together. My dad passed away in February of this year, but my mom is still in the nursing home. Lots of life-consuming issues have been my struggle these last 9 years. Where have the homeschooling years gone? They are a blur to me. I know that my core beliefs are that God has called me to this lifestyle just as He has called me to be mom to these 5 children. Why, then, do I feel so inadequate? I have had to trust my bio kids in their schoolwork, trusting test scores and character development as a marker for their development. But what about the gaps in their learning? I know many of my friends think I haven’t done enough, and they’re probably right. But they don’t walk in my shoes. Unless you have RAD kids you don’t understand the unbelievable stress and time that is involved. You are literally sacrificing years of your life for their mental and emotional well being. And sacrificing time with the other kids and spouse as well. How do you find the balance? How do you know when enough is enough?
This is the point where I have trouble finding peace. There is only one of me. As I battle chronic health issues (migraines, insomnia, allergies, etc.) it becomes more difficult to enjoy the journey. And is this really about my kids or about me believing and submitting to God’s will? When do I have too much faith and not enough? Why is everything I believe about homeschooling constantly challenged by my RADishes? Learning issues aside, a lot of the times they refuse to learn because it’s too hard and they’re getting back at me. When do I let go and when do I keep trudging through the mud?
I know that I have always made time for my relationship with my bio kids. I have nurtured our relationship beyond that of teacher and student. I believe their hearts are the key to success in life. I am proud of them and the strength and grace they have shown through the storms. But have I done enough? Would they have learned more at public school since private was never an option? Or would the character and morals they possess have been destroyed in the process? Why can’t I rest in the amazing young adults they are and know they can learn whatever I’ve missed teaching them. If they know the source of life, they will have an abundant life.
I relate so much to this post:
I know it all comes down to faith in God and obedience through the trials. You’d think I would have learned that by now, but I’m thinking it will be a “lifelong journey.” Hmmm…that’s what I believe about homeschooling!