Trust

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Oh, yeah. Big word. Trust. For our RAD kids it’s a two-way street. They don’t trust us because their birth parents did them wrong so they don’t want to be hurt again. But I don’t trust my RAD kids. I hate that. Goes against everything I work towards with my kids. But it’s the truth. When can you ever trust them? I have trusted and believed in them a lot as they have begun healing. Yet they will look me in the eye and lie without blinking. I struggle so much with loosening the boundaries knowing they will cross over them. And then when things are going badly my knee jerk reaction is to clamp down bigtime. When are they just being kids and when are they devious and angry RADishes? What is personal and what is not? I get so tired of not having the answers. It feels like one big guessing game. I think I’m a pretty good mom but I don’t really know with them. I have to trust God with what I can’t see. Trust. I don’t know if I’m spinning my wheels or if we’re making progress. Everything looks fine from the outside. But is it really? Or when I turn my back are they ready to stab me? I know they’re not as sick as their sister but just how sick are they? Am I deluding myself into thinking they are healing? Are they just playing the game better? Why do I ask so many questions? Aarrgh. Time for a Snickers bar.

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Comments

  1. Lisa says:

    I know exactly what you mean. Chocolate too…lots of chocolate.

  2. marythemom says:

    I particularly hate when other people come from the outside and criticize MY trust issues. I expect my kids to hate my lack of trust in them, but who are these idiots who barely know my child and don’t know me at all, to make me feel like a horrible person for not giving my child a blank slate.

    Arrgh! Going to go eat my banana fudge sundae now.

    Mary in TX

  3. waldenbunch says:

    Snickers, chocolate and a banana fudge sundae. Looks like party time! Only way we keep our delightful (?) sense of humor!

  4. Corey says:

    It kills me too.. and every time I make the mistake of trusting my RADish.. she stabs me right in the gut.

    Try Ben & Jerry’s NY Super Fudge Chunk. Verrry Chocolaty!

  5. carol says:

    hang in there

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