I had a kind of “aha” moment this morning. You see, I struggle with maintaining a positive attitude. My mom is very negative and I don’t like seeing it in myself. So I really have tried hard to look at the good in a situation instead of the difficulties. My “aha” moment was realizing this morning why it’s so hard for me, and has been hard for me since the adoption. RAD is an exhausting, overwhelming state of life that consumes and eats everything around it. I wake up in the morning ready to teach my kids about life and science and math and cooking and all that “stuff” we homeschoolers do. Then the manipulation and the bickering and the “I’m smarter than you” attitude starts before they’re even done with breakfast. There goes my positive attitude! Only those in the trenches will understand this. You expend all your energy just trying to survive and love in spite of all the barriers they throw up. Being all jolly and happy just doesn’t seem to be a priority sometimes. And yes, I’m not fun a lot of the time. I feel like I have to write it on my list of things to do! I guess I’m making excuses because it’s so frustrating, but I know I’m doing my best here, one day at a time and keeping it real.