Thank you all for the advice on what to tell prospective adoptive families. Our meeting went well and it was interesting to condense our story to highlights and see the big picture again for ourselves. I know that I have suppressed so many bad memories that I’ve also forgotten so much of the progress. I have journals full of our story but I can’t even face reliving some of it. One day there will be healing for all of us, but right now we’re just a work in progress.
So I get up early, have my quiet time, M and S get up and we start the battle. Being in therapy has stirred up lots of junk in their lives and M, especially today, is on the edge. I have been nailing him on many of his behaviors and he’s passive aggressive”ing” me to death! I have done all this work to do a unit study with them on the Winter Olympics, researching a country, an athlete and a sport. Watching the festivities and competitions on tv. You’d think they would be thrilled. This is where homeschooling them tortures me. M is livid because I tried to show him how to take notes, he did it his way and I made him do it over again. He’s argued since the second he got out of bed so I put him on “picking up sticks after the storm” duty. He asked me what kind of mother would send her kid in the front yard crying to pick up sticks so everybody could see. I laughed. Seriously. I laughed. Fake tears. Manipulation. Out of control, won’t listen, won’t do what I say. Told him he was on bricks in the back yard. We have a brick pile which was our final straw with him a couple of years ago. Nothing was working and he needed an avenue for his anger. So he has to move this pile of bricks from one side of the yard to the other, my way, or he does it again. Amazing how long their anger can last. But it will break his cycle of anger. Tells me I won’t give him a chance to express his feelings or be a big boy. Right. Like crying and yelling in the back yard is being a big boy. Amazing how their mind shuts down and they are beyond reasoning.
I hate this. I have really been doing well lately with letting it all roll off my back but you reach a point you just want to run away. Tim and I are having dinner out tonight for our anniversary and I’m in no mood. Hopefully I will be in a better frame of mind later on.
I love that Christine (see comments on my last post) is able to see her children as a blessing. I do believe mine are a blessing, honestly. I just also believe they’re a pain in my butt sometimes, that parenting RAD children is tough work, not for sissies. That it takes everything in my power to get up some days and not blow everybody out of the water. I’m human, unbearably so. I want other moms to be encouraged that we all blow it. You just can’t do it all right all the time. So my kids get a chance to learn about grace and perseverance. What more can I ask?