Usually when I don’t blog it’s because I’m exhausted or struggling with the issues that surround our days. This time it’s more of both. My mom is in an assisted living facility and not doing well. Twice this week she’s wanted to go to the hospital, but I got the hospice nurse there to assess her and calm her down. She did have several pounds of fluid to get off and has been on a catheter so she hasn’t been out of bed much. We got a hospital bed in her room to make things easier for her. She is reaching the point she wants/needs me there to help calm her down. Or talk to her on the phone to reassure her. I’ve been going twice a day just to see that her needs are met and help her to the bathroom, etc. It’s tough because I’m exhausted and I usually have to take M and S with me and that’s difficult on them. My role as a daughter is completely reversed to that of a mother taking care of her child. That’s difficult for me being the baby, wishing my sister were still alive and my brother more available.
Of course, impending loss throws our RAD kids into a tizzy. We went all the way to therapy yesterday and our therapist had to cancel. It was probably just as well that we didn’t stir up all the junk that is percolating inside of them. It’s been a rough few weeks, M’s birthday and all affecting the issues. I hate the feeling of constantly being so drained that it feels like there is nothing left of me. Plus I read all my blogs and realize it could be worse. It just doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been at this a long time and some days I just wish it wasn’t an issue. Wishin’ won’t make it so! I trudge on, dealing with life’s curves and trying to express my gratitude for all the good things in my life. God is good, all the time.