Lighting a fire

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I’ve been homeschooling for 16 years and yet I’m here to tell you….sometimes it sucks. I’m supposed to light a fire for learning in my RADishes when I wonder if they’d rather light the house on fire with me in it. No, these two are not as sick as B, but that doesn’t change the fact that every day is a struggle. Especially with homeschooling. It’s one more opportunity to show me they’re not going to do it my way. And I’m a piece of cake compared to public school. I don’t deluge them with work and I try to follow their interests. Yet complete disobedience kills my creativity and desire. They can also manage to cheat on computer work and that just blows me away. Why am I still surprised at what they’ll do? Because they ARE healing, yet they have so far to go. We get to a new normal and then we fall off the path yet again. Today we had intense devotions on believing God and knowing how He answers prayers and the unfairness of life. Probably too much for my S to handle because she stopped obeying and got mad when she missed almost the whole chapter of math yesterday. Convenient that she’s in the 5th grade and forgot how to add and subtract. Frustrating. Exhausting. Disheartening. Stressful. Yep. That’s where we are. But I refused to go there with her and she got furious and yelled at me. Ran to her room when I called her on the RAD crying. Tried to triangulate with M. Failed. The more these guys reach out to God the more questions they have. It’s my job to lead them in the ways of the Lord. I am not responsible for whether they accept, believe or live the truth. I absolutely want it, but I can’t make them believe, or do anything else for that matter.

So S is now in her room pondering (one can only hope) her actions and attitude. She didn’t want me to fix her lunch (lost the privilege of doing it herself), didn’t want to apologize, doesn’t want to do schoolwork. Allrighty then. It will be there when I’m done resting. And honestly, the resting part is an art I’ve perfected over the years. I plan my schedule as much as possible for some free time in the afternoon with them in their rooms (alarms on) so I can sleep, read the paper, pray or whatever. I’ve done this with all my children since they were babies. For someone battling insomnia every night, it’s absolutely necessary. This is when M and S do their bookwork and reading. Or, like today with S, deal with their issues.

The one thing I know with certainty about homeschooling is there is more to life than academics. Doesn’t mean I don’t want them to learn all they are capable of, but as I put in my Facebook status a few days ago, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Here’s to hoping S gets thirsty before dinner.

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  1. MomInTheTrench says:

    Oh, wow, it’s like you are in my head. I hear you. I understand you. Sorry that’s all I’ve got!

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