I guess the thing with RAD is it’s unpredictable crazy. You can count on not being able to count on it. Case in point, S had to stay in respite three weeks ago working on her stuff and I had to leave M after therapy on Monday because he did NOT want to work and couldn’t get real for anything. So anytime I think I can breathe a sigh of relief that we’re in a good place, boom we’re back in the hole. Some of it is becoming predictable, like birthdays, holidays, usual triggers. Then sometimes it just slaps you in the face and says, stupid, did you really think I wasn’t going to sabotage this good place for you? Sucker! My job is to keep you on your toes so that you never really relax. No matter how good a parent you are I’m going to stretch you past your breaking point. So you can live all those things that you preach to me. So there. Aarrgh!
Then you add in their abuse and the whole atmosphere changes. Don’t know what they remember and what their bodies remember. Just know that the relationship my two RADishes have can be so unhealthy. Talk about teaching M the importance of being a man and protecting his sister and watching out for her, helping her, being physically stronger as God created him. Then try to tell S that she needs to serve her brother and give from the heart and let M be a gentleman when reality is I’m probably wasting my breath. He would leave her in the dust if something better came along. She would let him beat up on her (not physically) and believe she deserves it. Don’t think that doesn’t scare me to death. We talked about generational sin and how they have to break away from those chains of the past.
And somewhere in there are two wounded souls who never deserved what life gave them. No matter how much I assure them that God has a tremendous plan for their lives. They can help and reach people that no one else understands. I can talk until I make myself sick and reality is they still have free will just as I do. Today I have to choose to be a strong parent and follow through and not get sucked in and find the energy to look past the ugliness into the soul. Every day is a new challenge. Grace, Marty. God’s grace.