Detour

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So here’s the deal. I have homeschooled for 16 years, beginning year 17. I have graduated one child who did not go to college. Rachel has been a fulltime nanny and now works at a health/wellness center. Confession time…..I did not do her high school transcript until a year and a half after she graduated. Then I used a service I paid for to just fill in the blanks with her courses and grades. Fast forward to this summer. I have been stressing and reading and thinking and praying and working all summer to get Joshua’s transcript ready. He is college bound to major in some sort of Christian ministry. My philosophy of homeschooling, the belief that we are uniquely put in families by God’s design and that character is more important than academics is all being put to the test. It is SO easy to look at what everyone else is doing and feel inadequate. All it takes is one unintended comment to bring up all my insecurity. It’s like having an infant and not knowing what to do. You hear what “everybody else” is doing and think you’re doing it wrong because you’re different. When all you need to do is what is best for YOUR child, and nobody knows that but you.

I am so grateful for other moms who “put it out there” and risk condemnation by being transparent. Life is messy. Our families are full of sinful, selfish people, me included. I don’t have all the answers. Most of the time I don’t have any of the answers and I’m flying by the seat of my pants. I try to ask myself “am I doing what God wants me to do today”, not just what is on my checklist? My life has been full of interruptions these past several years, unplanned detours. I haven’t accomplished half of what I hoped and now I fear that I’ve lost opportunities. My faith is put to the test every day, in the areas of finances, submission, homeschooling, health and children. My reassurances have to come from God, but I feel encouraged when I see other moms being real and soldiering on day by day.

God has brought several ladies into my life that I have been able to minister to, point in the direction of help and share my personal story. Because I have been transparent I think they can tell me the story of their lives and find hope through the hills and valleys I’ve been through. I will not pretend to be something I’m not, a perfect Christian with all the answers. I just know the perfect God who loves me when I don’t deserve it.

So the story with the transcript……I’m mostly finished with a few changes. The things I planned at the local community college were a mess, ending with Joshua getting lost (Tim and I on the phone giving him directions) and being an hour late to his first 2 hour class. At that point, it was obvious God didn’t want him in the class. He was already missing a class in Sept. while we go to the beach, it was only an 8 week “minimester” and the textbook was about 6 inches thick. So my Joshua is still untested outside the home except for his online English class from last year and one to take this year. There’s always next semester but there’s also trusting that the God who entrusted Joshua to me in the first place knows what he needs and He will be faithful to provide. And to reassure me that I haven’t failed miserably, I’ve just been redirected many times!

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Comments

  1. i hear you on the whole “everyone else is doing cool stuff and maybe i’m missing the target” anxieties. And that’s not just with my parenting, it’s across the board. I always say to myself that if I can keep on my blinders and never look up, I’m OK. But once I start glimpsing everyone else’s stuff, I get all kitschy!

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