After my transparency and reality check on my last post I was able to have a conversation with my mom. I realized that I needed to ask her to be more verbal about her appreciation. Although she tells everybody she sees how she couldn’t make it without me she did not tell me. I know she appreciates me and how I take care of her but I needed her to show that gratitude through words. I also needed to help her understand more about my life, instead of protecting her from my “real” world. Unfortunately I grew up with a mom who would write me notes instead of having real conversations about the things she was concerned about. So we never really learned how to deal with conflict. The way I dealt with my frustrations and stress was not particularly healthy but it did allow us to clear the air. Sometimes I think we are all just little kids waiting for our mom’s approval. All of us, whether we had good moms, inadequate ones or absent ones, want that affirmation of pride and love.
God is working in my heart about many things, obviously including my feelings about my mom. Hopefully I will be able to share some of those things as I sort through my human failings in the light of God’s love. Forgive me for my ranting and thank you for your encouragement.