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One of the saddest things I feel for M (or in the past S) is knowing whenever something is broken, misplaced, or damaged, I immediately think one of the two of them did it. It’s knowing their need to hurt their family is a means of protecting their heart. But as they heal or are actually working on their life I don’t always look for vandalism. In the place where M is I am constantly believing the worst. Case in point, look back a couple of posts and you’ll see the picture of our bathroom (oh so very tiny. It’s definitely a one person experience, especially when you sit on the toilet and your knees hit the door.) If you look into the shower (can’t believe I posted pictures of our bathroom. Didn’t even look to see how scruvy it looked) you’ll see candles on a shelf. Yes, a plastic shower liner, with candles on the shelf. Well, my sweet husband notices three holes right above where the candles were sitting earlier. Did I put 2 plus 2 together and realize S burned holes in our shower liner? Oh, no. I immediately thought M had taken scissors or something and cut holes out of the liner. Even convinced my husband of it. Because when you have a kid with seemingly no conscience you constantly blame them for everything. It wasn’t until I showed it to Rachel and she said it looked like burn holes that the light bulb went off. Luckily I hadn’t said anything to M but I had asked him to write in his journal about things he’s thrown away or destroyed around the house. Big surprise, he didn’t say the shower liner! Actually, he didn’t cop to anything, but I know there’s stuff we don’t know. Moral of this story…don’t put candles on the shelf in the shower!

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  1. Barb G says:

    We find ourselves doing the same thing, and we only have ONE child! We’ve learned, like you, to not confront him right away, but to have him write about it. Our kids will be very proficient at writing one day, won’t they? lol There are actually times we find out that something is not his fault, but another child who has visited. We are learning the virtue of self-restraint with this one. Sounds like you are too. (((hugs)))

    Our son doesn’t admit everything in his writings, but it does give us glimpses into his brain. Of course, he also includes what we call ‘therapist speak’, thinking he can fool us by parroting the right things. We have to wade through the garbage to find the treasures.

    You’ve been on my heart since the last post. Praying for hope to drown out some of the pain, little glimpses of hope, for you today.

  2. i do the same thing. it makes me mad at myself but too often it really IS Sissy’s fault and when I ease up and choose not to blame her first, that always happens to be the time she IS the culprit.

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