How dare we have a good day Saturday? Seriously, that is not allowed. M worked in the yard with his dad and Sat. evening we had family game time with M, S, Rachel and her beau. Played Cranium Family Fun. M and I on the same team. Usually I won’t even sit by him, but I did it Sat. night. And we had to work together. And have fun by golly. That teensy weensy bit of spark I have seen in his eyes was there. He misspelled a word and got upset that I was gonna get mad and hold it against him and keep reminding him about it. Which I will. Which is what we do. Laugh at the memorable moments. M had to think of an “m” word that was found in a grocery store. He couldn’t think of a thing. Like marshmallow, macaroni, macadamia nuts, mashed potatoes, matchbox cars. ANYTHING. So we laughed and laughed and treated him like a normal kid. KIDDING. I razzed him some, like I do with all the rest. And he kinda, maybe, just a little bit took it. He was pretty much fun to be around.
Need I say what happened next? All you RAD moms are nodding your heads. Yup. He sabotaged the next day. Was disconnected in church, completely ignored us talking in the car and really couldn’t handle the new kitten we went and picked out. Today, lather, rinse, repeat. But ratchet it up a few notches. It’s his birthday. We just got a new kitten. And I’m leaving for Orlando in 4 days. Way too much overload on the good stuff. He’s moved bricks once today to try and jump start his brain because talking sure ain’t working. Tim reminded me he moved bricks around his birthday last year. Yup. Birthdays are bad. Do.not.enjoy.your.day. It makes me so sad to dread my child’s birthday. How awful is that? Knowing he can’t handle it yet. Next year I will not do this again. We will surprise him and celebrate ahead of time. No plotting. No sabotage. No icky feelings. I’m a little slow but next year I’m all over that.
M and my mom shared a birthday. Don’t know if he is even thinking it, but this is the first birthday since she died. I hate that for him if he does associate grief with it. He and his grandmother were not close but they did go with me quite a bit to visit her. Hard to know if that’s a trigger. We will celebrate this day even if he won’t!