Yesterday our pastor preached on marriage but his main idea is applicable to our kids, and really to us, too. Are you a victim or an overcomer? The victim refuses to take responsibility. The overcomer has the same obstacles except they take responsibility. In our marriage, I can either blame Tim for everything (victim) or I can take responsibility for my own actions (overcomer).
Are your kids victims or overcomers? I have one of both. I worried so long about my youngest daughter because she has the victim mentality and I know what that can lead to in unhealthy relationships. She is now an overcomer. She has taken responsibility for her choices, her wrong beliefs and her life. She is a joy to be around and such a source of hope for our family. I still worry about her future relationships but I will protect and nurture her in the womb of this family as long as I can.
My oldest son is a victim. He takes no responsibility for his choices, the lies he believes about his life or the way he is squandering his existence away. He is no fun to be around and is a constant source of negative energy and “ickiness.” He just is.
What hit me over the head today was that I can be a victim or an overcomer myself with my children. I can choose to play the victim. If my kid would just heal, stop arguing, sabotaging, driving me crazy, ad nauseum, I wouldn’t have any problems and life would be grand. If I had known all this before I adopted I would have been better off, more informed, prepared. If my kids’ birth parents had just gotten their act together, not done drugs, not abused or neglected them my kids would be good. I would be good. It would all be good. I am a victim of my kids’ problems.
Or I can be an overcomer. I can take responsibility for getting frustrated, angry, depressed, hating my life, not having any answers and do something about ME. I can not change my circumstances. I can only change me. I can be a victim or an overcomer. I can grow and change and survive or I can blame my kids for everything and stay in whineyville and be miserable to everyone.
My life will always have obstacles. So will yours. If it wasn’t the kids, it would be the spouse, or the job , or my weight, or the weather, or my family or something.
It is within my grasp to take responsibility for how I act or react. To die to myself each day when I get out of bed and put someone else first regardless of what it gains me. To be more Christlike instead of hateful and angry. To be obedient to God in this moment, disregarding all my failures and past mistakes and future challenges.
For this day, this hour, this minute, this second, to CHOOSE to be an overcomer. And then choose to practice it over and over again. Because our kids ARE watching. It may seem hopeless and our circumstances may never change but we can.