Orlando and Beyond

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I didn’t really think Orlando was as life-changing for me as so many others. I had myself together and I knew all this stuff, yada yada.

Until I got home. And realized I’m still in the trenches, still in the battle, still waging war against the RAD that encompasses my child.

What Orlando did for me, however, was encourage me about who I am.

That I have something to offer.

I struggle with that, wondering how in the world I am making a difference in the world outside my home.

I believe God is working in me, calling me to a future ministry that I’m not sure even exists yet.

I am by far not the most educated one of these moms as to trauma and neurological implications and treatments, etc.

But I have persevered through 11 years of heartache and triumph, loss and gain.

I had one of my housemates tell me that I was a woman of grace. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I so want to personify grace and forgiveness and restoration.

I want to encourage and uplift because so many days over the last years there has been no one outside my family who gets this life.

I want my words to give hope for without hope we are as lost as our kids.

What Orlando did for me was begin the process of opening the floodgates of grief in my soul.

Ten years since getting our three adopted kiddos, since losing my sister at age 53.

Seven years since B left for RTC and never came home, with false allegations thrown in there for fun.

Three and a half years since my parents went suddenly into a nursing home, leaving me with all of their life together to deal with, through their home and their “stuff” and their needs.

Two years since my dad died.

Two months since my mom died of hypothermia due to the neglect of her assisted living facility.

One day since my daughter became engaged.

Five months until my son leaves for college.

And the rivers of grief roll over me.

I want to say thank you to the Orlando women who accepted me and listened to me and just seemed to enjoy ME. I may not have shed tears this weekend but they roll on and on and on.

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  1. i love you! i loved just being where you were. i just had to bask in the essence of marty. 🙂

    thinking of starting a southeast contingent so we don’t have to wait so long. you game?

  2. Marty you are an amazing women. Even though I already knew you I still wanted to be around you in Orlando. You are my hero. I understand where you are coming from. There is so much lose that we have went through. You can do this you have a lot of Grace!
    Love ya Mama!
    We have to get together real soon and do lunch again.

  3. In our short time together, you have given me so much more than you could ever know. You are an amazing gift of God!

  4. Marty, I wanted to let you know that I recently found your blog, and that I get it. We are parenting two teenage girls we adopted from Ukraine a year and eight months ago. “They” said it gets easier after 9 months…after a year…I certainly don’t believe that anymore. But God has been gracious to us and has been getting us through this. I just pray He’ll help the girls to get it someday, because right now, I don’t have much hope of that.

    How fantastic that you could go to Orlando and be with the other very strong ladies who are on the battlefront day in and day out. I will pray for you, too. I know the grief is there, but you’re entitled to grieve.

    Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5b).

    Can’t wait for the morning!

  5. Wife to the Rockstar says:

    So beautiful.

  6. Love you.

  7. That’s a LONG time Marty! Just getting to my Orlando post and I’m linking you. You have a LOT to offer and I’m so happy to have met you. Also, hope I get to see you again soon! 🙂

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