To Prospective Foster/Adopt Parents:
I can only tell you my story and hope you learn from my experience. I would guess that most adoptive parents would tell you that it’s hard. It goes beyond hard. It goes beyond anything I ever imagined my family going through.
I did not/do not feel that God has placed a ministry/heart for orphans in our lives. I do believe He called my husband and I to the idea of adoption at the same time and gave our two biological children immediate claim to this call on our family. He very clearly put three siblings in our path and showed us that they were to be ours. This is the ONLY thing that has kept me going over 11 years of fear, hell, anger, destruction, abuse and indescribable pain, both theirs and ours.
These are questions for you to ask yourself if you’re considering adopting.
It requires skills and strength and hope and parenting that is opposite from what you used with the others.
Are you ready to have you marriage almost fall apart?
By the grace of God and intense love and faithfulness mine did not. It could have very easily.
Are you ready to be judged, criticized, forsaken and abandoned by those you called your church fellowship?
You will look like a harsh, unloving parent and that’s just the way it is.
Are you ready to accept that these precious adopted children that you love may not be okay?
They may do bad things in your home and outside of your home.
Are you ready to give them up if that’s the only thing that will save your family and them?
Don’t say it will never happen. It did. It does. Pray it doesn’t.
Are you ready to protect all the children at all costs? Install alarms for safety? Never let siblings be alone together without your supervision?
Are you ready to deal with poop and pee in a way you never thought possible and places you never dreamed of?
Praise God this was not true for us but it may be a real possibility for you.
Are you ready to be vigilant 24 hours a day?
Are you ready to be lied to, stolen from, raged against, hit, bitten and blamed for every thing in the child’s life that had absolutely NOTHING to do with you?
Are you ready to spend half your life in therapy and see little improvement if any?
Are you ready to question everything you believe about love and God?
Are you ready to hold onto God because that’s all there is left?
It has to be enough.
HEAR ME: I am not saying do not adopt. It is a beautiful, sacrificial, life changing gift. But there may be no rewards, no happy moments, no thank yous. If this life is for you and your family you will need that faith to cling to in the dark moments. Because there will be dark, lonely moments. A lot of them.