I often wonder what my kids see in their daddy’s and my relationship. For the most part, it’s an awesome partnership. We have worked hard over the years to learn to communicate, to walk away and to control our anger. Parenting wounded children has given me plenty of opportunity to learn about myself and my spouse. Painful opportunities at times.
I know my kids see me take care of them, teach, mentor, clothe, organize, homeschool and feed them. But I wonder how much they get in my submission to my husband, my support of his life dreams, my filling up his cup. He’s a very independent man and doesn’t ask for help easily. Do they see the ways I text him to tell him I love him? Or put on perfume before he walks in the door so I will be appealing to him (or at least smell a little better)? Or build him up in front of the kids, not belittle him, as I’ve done in the past. Do they seehow much I cherish him?
These last few days Tim has been giving me a gift that they have to see and acknowledge. My son J is leaving for college in 2 months. He used to share a room with M, but because of safety reasons J moved into my scrapbook room. Over the years it has become crammed with a double bed, an 8-foot counter top, J’s books and some “stuff.” Knowing J will only be home for holidays and the summer I wanted to put a twin bed in there. Then Tim and I started brainstorming. A lot. Like, all the time. We went over plans and ideas, prioritizing my needs. (All this to say, I’m an avid scrapbooker. I rarely do this at home because my stuff is so crammed into that room. It’s a hobby that fills me up, allows me to be creative and helps me see a purpose in my life, something of the bigger picture.) He has shown incredible compassion and diligence in supporting my passion. He doesn’t necessarily want to sit down with me and look through the pages (though he will if I ask) but he sees my need to have an outlet from this insanity and a way to find beauty among the ashes of our family.
It is important to me, thus IT IS IMPORTANT TO HIM. Love in action. I know of no better example to show my kids of a mature (well, we’re getting there) and unselfish (a lot of the time) marriage. Not perfect by any means. Sometimes it’s pretty rocky. Aren’t they all? But this act of love has been huge for me this summer. Tim knows the struggle I face with Rachel and Joshua leaving and he has given me a gift that will be my retreat when the loss and continued struggle with my kids overwhelms. I am so proud of him and grateful for this journey that we walk together.
(These are before pictures. I can’t wait to see it all come together. We have spent more time on this project than any in this house that we’ve lived in 20 years!)
You can see the completed room here.
Linking with: Time-Warp Wife, The Alabaster Jar