Rabbit Trail, Life Skills and Control Issues

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M and his oldest sister

Amazing the rabbit trails I will follow. S was complaining somewhat about my lack of a sufficiently interesting lunch. Sunday lunch has changed somewhat because we get out of church earlier than we used to, and I cook when I get home instead of using the crock pot or timed bake. We’ve been eating leftovers for a couple of days so I understood but wanted to make a point. I want to teach M and S about meal planning, grocery shopping, couponing, budgeting, etc. Of all my children they need practical life skills the most.

I decided that soon after lunch was the right time. I asked both of them to make me a list of six entrees with a side. Breakfast and lunch are fend for yourself and one night is usually leftovers so I thought that would give them an idea of the process. M of course complained that he hadn’t been complaining about the food and S just wanted to use the computer to look up recipes. Today wasn’t even about helping me. It was more about them valuing what I do in our home and learning from it.

M finished first and brought me his list. Quite bread heavy but he got the idea. When I started instructing about variety and vegetables and healthy options he took it personally. Somewhere in the “conversation” (argument teachable moment) I confronted him with his ideas about women. This was not a new topic of conversation. From domineering over and controlling his sister to the way he argues and disrespects me there seems to be a core of devaluing women. In our home we are all of worth because God created us. Men and women are different. Women are not of less value. We may have different roles but that doesn’t make us less important.

I sent M to his room to think about it and when he returned he admitted he had control issues but not issues with women. I told him how important it is to change his beliefs or it will affect all his relationships with women. Because of his birth history and relationships with both bio sisters he does have abandonment issues and distorted ideas about women. So the rabbit trail that started as learning about preparing foods and planning turned into one about changing M’s ideas to value women, not control or dominate them. He does not, however, want to deal or even acknowledge this issue so we will revisit it. A lot.

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  1. I LOVE teaching moments, especially when they come skipping in unexpectedly (for the “teachee”, that is!).

    Great moment, Mom. You rock! (((hugs)))

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