Anxiety

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My son has an issue with anxiety.  My belief is that it ultimately stems from his abandonment by his birth parents. The problem is that it affects his life daily and even minute by minute. He has trouble focusing, becomes more argumentative and agitated.

One of the “techniques” (I say that loosely because I have no idea where this came from except God and a culmination of tons of reading) I am using is to identify the anxiety and follow through to a “worst thing that can happen” scenario.

Example: I have a dermatology appointment today to just have my moles and any skin abnormalities checked. No concern from me, just preventative medicine. Usually I don’t tell my kids much about doctor visits because I know they get anxious. Today, I used my visit as an example to my son.

What is the worst thing that could happen?


What is the likelihood of that happening?


If this did happen what would become of you?

Specifics: what is the worst thing that could come of my doctor visit? I could find out I was very sick and eventually die from skin cancer.

What is the likelihood of that happening? Miniscule. This is just a preventative measure so that I stay healthy.

If I did get sick and die what would become of you? At this point my son was a mushy mess, although he tried to hide it as is typical. I asked him if he would be alone? He shook his head around in a circle and couldn’t answer. His heart’s belief? Yes, he would be alone. The truth? Absolutely not. He has a father who would do everything he could to continue loving and raising his children. He has siblings that are adults that could be active participants in his life. He has my niece and family (his cousins) that we are extremely close to.

My son’s belief? He would be all alone, convinced once again that no one loves him and he can trust no one. This is the core negative belief that we must tackle and overcome with positive reinforcement and lots of prayer.

I believe that identifying the reason behind his anxiety and working on it day in and day out will help him learn to function better and release many of those paralyzing fears. One step at a time.

How many of you struggle with anxiety in some form? I know I have, mostly with situations beyond my control (my parents’ getting sick and going into a nursing home, false allegations with B, financial concerns). Do they keep you from being present in your life? Could asking these questions in your life situation help you?

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Comments

  1. Thank You!! thank you for asking him these questions so that i can ask myself the same ones when i find that my anxiety starts to rise! Tell M he’s not alone that I too suffer from anxiety and that I will always be here for him b/c I love him and he’s family!!

  2. My husband has been working on this same thing with our daughter. He struggles with anxiety majorly himself and calls it the “worst case scenerio technique”. He imagines the worst possible thing that can happen, so anything other than that is a positive outcome. We may be getting a dog on Saturday. We’re trying not to get Princess’s hopes up just in case it doesn’t worked out. She decided to try her dad’s tecnique. She came up with the worst possible scenerio that the people currently fostering the puppy could murder all three of us. So if our family isn’t murdered on Saturday it’s a win!

  3. Marty

    You are my angel!!!!–:) Oh Marty –I struggle with this like crazy–I notice I struggle more with this when I don’t run–I need to run daily or I know I get anxious so much more easily. I struggle so much with the what ifs and worry –I know in my heart and mind this is irrational but I still struggle I love this and thank you for this!–Please please come live with me!!! 😉

    I know my little guy struggles with this too although he is not old enough to verbalize it to me. We have had a great couple of days and I am telling you what you said to me made such a difference –I think you said HE NEEDS TO FEEL LOVED IN ORDER TO HEAL–and then I started to think about the blogs and stories about the kiddos that were doing well and healing and it seemed as if the child felt loved–(please don’t think I think this is the cure all I know all of kiddos are so different and I have learned sometimes love is not enough)

    –and then I started thinking about how that is the one thing I want for kids other than first a relationship with Jesus but after that I want them to always feel our love—to know no matter what they have a safe place to land and we will always love them.

    And then I wondered –in his little mind I am not sure if he feels loved –I mean really loved and cherished. I hope he does but there are times that he acts through behaviors I don’t think he does. So I have been trying to look past the crazies and to his heart and love him beyond the behaviors —to really try to make him “feel” loved. Because I believe if he really felt love he might not do the crazies–I don’t know I am trying to figure it all out–

    ok Marty I just wrote you a novel and I am so sorry –I think this was my therapy session for the day 😉 –I am sorry I did not mean to write this much! –I am going to try to post this week so you can see my littles!

    I adore you and I am so glad I “met” you–YOu are my angel–I am telling you– my angel! 🙂

    I hope the sun is shining where you are and you have a wonderful day!!!!

  4. I have struggled with anxiety for years, I ask myself these same questions all the time. I find if I get busy doing something else I tend to be calmer. Best of luck to your son!

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