I am not one to dive into the realm of public opinion but I DO have opinions on most topics (and my husband would definitely agree!) I just choose not to air them on the blog where my desire is always to encourage, inspire and empower others.
I have been a huge fan of the Duggar family and their show 19 Kids and Counting. We don’t have cable so I haven’t kept up with the series much in recent years, but as a homeschooler and conservative Christian I have seen value in their views on courtship and Biblical parenting.
However, I would always laughingly ask my kids if they wanted me to talk like Mrs. Duggar (no slam intended) in her sweet quiet voice, or like the real me, the cut to the chase, honest and forthright mom. I never believed their family was perfect but the illusion was certainly there for all the world to see.
Several times since the Josh Duggar family news scandal first broke (if you don’t know what I’m talking about google it because I’m not going into it here) I’ve wanted to express my thoughts about the situation but a prompting kept me silent.
Why?
Beacause this is a judgment free zone.
WE ARE ALL BROKEN. Our families are broken. Our lives are messy and nothing like the Facebook posts you read about everyday.
#Truth and you know it. I know it. We all know it.
No one should be held to a standard of perfection.
Our only standard is Jesus Christ.
The truth is no matter how hard we try to shield our families from the negative, ungodly influences of the world, THEY ARE RIGHT BESIDE US, nipping at our heels.
They may even be inside our homes right now, where we least expect it.
I know this personally. I’ve lived every heartbreaking, unsuspecting moment of this story.
My responsibility as a parent is to prepare my children AS BEST I CAN for life. I cannot turn a blind eye and hope my wishes are enough.
I have to chose to be INTENTIONAL and have a plan.
Every day is an opportunity to begin conversations about difficult topics and prove to my children there’s nothing they can’t ask me or share with me.
Yes, I’M THAT MOM.
So why am I writing about this now?
Because my desire is to raise the veil of perfection so the pressure of maintaining some sense of unnecessary fautlessness can be lifted.
Unless we break the chains, social media places such a burden on us to live up to a standard that is completely worldly and unattainable.
Big house, new car, perfect children.
I don’t know about you but my house isn’t large and most of it’s still a DIY in process. My van is 20 years old and on life support but I’ll drive it until it dies! My kids are imperfect, my marriage hasn’t been a bed of roses for either of us, and the last seven months have been one life crisis after another.
Far be it from me to cast the first stone at the Duggars. I don’t live in their home and they don’t live in mine.
The word for the day is grace for without it a dying world will never know the love of Jesus.
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Social media is driving our society to be very critical, negative and hyper sensitive. I’m not sure why it’s important to expose and judge everyone, but that is the core of social media. Our time would be better spent appreciating what is good in our life and stop trying to beat down someone else. Until people stop and think about what they are doing and saying nothing is going to get better in the world. Negativity breeds negativity.
This is a good word, Marty. I agree with all your points. Let’s don’t cast stones at the Duggars. We are all imperfect. They need us to pray for them, not tear them down.
Thank you for this post. In a world that talks about tolerance and not judging, those standards do not seem to apply when Christians stumble. I feel compassion for the Duggars and I pray that they feel GRACE in a big way!
I could have written every single word of this post….from the imperfect family, to the 20 year old car, ( tho mine is a young 12 yr old) …to the imperfect life…. I have need daily of the Grace of God. Everyone does. Very encouraging word this morning…. Thanks, Marty
Hi, Renee. I’m glad my Duggar post rang true for you. All of us have imperfect lives if we admit it and need God’s grace to hold on to. Most days are a challenge beyond our capabilities and judging others just makes us less like the Savior. Thanks for visiting my blog.
I live my life by a little motto: When you start telling people what is wrong in their life, you give them the right to take a hard look at yours. Unless you are willing to open your life up to criticism, just keep your mouth shut.
That’s a great motto, Terrie. We should always do more listening than talking. I have trouble sometimes with that one!
Good word, as usual, Marty. I SO agree with you. I am not a Duggard fan, in fact, I think they are a bit extreme, but that is my opinion and one to be taken lightly! However, in reading their recent story my heart broke for them for many reasons. The main reason is because they family imperfects on under a very big microscope. I am so glad mine are not. I pray for their hearts and for Grace to be their portion.
Hey, Marcy! You are completely entitled to your opinion! I certainly don’t agree with a lot of the Duggar lifestyle but more with the heart of turning their children to the Lord. You and I both know how hard it is to live when others don’t understand family dynamics or situations. Love you!
I admit, I love the Duggars but at the same time I am very disappointed and disgusted with how the Josh situation had been handled. I do believe they thought they were doing the right thing for their son–I don’t think there were any ill intentions. They made a horrible mistake. I feel terrible for them and the public ridicule. They absolutely didnt handle the situation right and maybe things would be different for their son now if they had done better at the time. Who knows, and who are we to judge. They are suffering terribly and they deserve our prayers, not our ridicule. None of us is perfect and everyone has their own struggles! This is just an awful situation for that family. Thanks Marty for once again going where others may be afraid to go!
Hi, Karen. Thank you for commenting. I just believe it’s a terrible situation and incredibly difficult to live out in the public eye. They certainly made that choice for their family but it doesn’t make it any less painful.
it is so interesting how we place a rating on sins when the one who hates sin sees them all as SIN.
my other point is a question about why Josh Duggar’s name is the only one of the hundreds of thousand names on the Ashley Madison client list we know about. ????????????????????/
Exactly, on both points.
Cause you KNOW there had to be some legislator’s names on it.
With the huge mass of data released, we’d be fools to think there aren’t.
Hi, Brenda. I thought the same thing about why Josh’s was the first name released. Obviously they went for the celebrity factor. It’s just sad and demeaning all the way around and a pitiful example of the broken world we live in.
Thing is, the more children one has, the more opportunity there is for there to be a failing within one or more.
Plus, when you hide all sexuality from children, it then can become like the temptation of a “Wet Paint” sign that’s difficult not to touch, just to see if it’s really wet.
I think what Josh did as a teen is understandable and forgivable. I think what he did as an adult to his wife and four children is abhorrent. My prayers are with them all, especially those little children.
Hi, there. As a parent I completely agree. You can raise them with the best intentions and standards and the circumstances and life intersect where we cannot. I know this first hand. I’ve had conversations I’ve never imagined having but in this world they are vital to our kids’ health. I agree that what Josh is putting his family through is devastating and demoralizing.
It is so easy to judge others with all the news/social media out there. I am thankful for your blog as it reminds me to take a step back and remember that my family is not perfect either and I have had my own heartbreak within my family despite my attempt to be a great mom. Thank you so much for the words of wisdom!
Thanks so much, Jane. It IS easy to get caught up in the hype and forget the Duggars are real people with real emotions and hurts. Great moms and dads still have children that go astray and make bad choices, especially with the temptations that are so easily obtainable. It’s not our job to monitor our kids 24/7 but to do our very best and then provide a safe place for them to come home to. We’re living through very hard times so I know what I’m talking about!
You said it perfectly. In a world full of negativity, it is refreshing to hear someone speak with kindness, grace, mercy, compassion, and the love of Jesus Christ. We have all fallen and come short. We are imperfect, and in need of a saviour. Thank you for being a willing vessel for the Lord to speak through. This article touched my heart and nudged me to show the love of Christ today. God bless you!