Reading this poem by Beth Moore has taken me on a journey I wasn’t expecting at this moment in my life. Beth Moore (Living Proof Ministries) has always ministered to me through her Bible studies, tapes and videos, but especially through the story of her son Michael. She was instrumental in our adoption story even though she could not possibly even be aware of it. I hope over the next few days to share with you our journey to adoption and God’s divine hand guiding our family.
From my journal, 10/25/99:
I wanted to write now because Tim and I are starting the process of possibly adopting a child. We’ve told the kids about it and Rachel is so excited. She really wants a baby, but we’re thinking about a two or three-year-old. I need for this to be in God’s hands. It could be a huge involved process. At first I was only thinking about the work and homeschooling for the next twenty years! But I know God will give me strength if this is His will.
I used to be able to express myself so well on paper. Not anymore. Out of practice. But I finished Beth Moore’s Bible study To Live is Christ and I’m reading her book Things Pondered. I just told Tim as he was in bed that I had heard every horror story about adoption recently and I believed God wanted me to be able to love unconditionally and accept whatever the future holds.
Not ten minutes later I was reading Beth’s book and the story of her adopting Michael and then choosing to reunite him seven years later. It was about their journey and knowing God just wanted them to love Michael. I’ve been crying for 30 minutes and I can’t stop. I know God is stretching my heart to make room for another child. To love them unconditionally no matter what the future holds. I know God will bring Tim and I to the same place in His time. Right now there’s just the pain I feel for the child God is already preparing for us.
When my daughters were seven and ten and we were basking in the marvelous years between preschool and adolescence, I learned a life changing lesson about prayer – God reserves the right to fill petitions you forgot to cancel long after you thought you changed your mind. All those years ago when I had asked God for a son, I assumed His answer was “no,” not “wait.” Boy, was I ever wrong. On Feb. 14, 1990, my husband gave me a Valentine’s gift that keeps on giving – a pint-sized, four-year-old orphaned boy. He was the most beautiful little guy I had ever seen in all my life. I’ve since arrived at the conclusion that God often makes children who are going to be extra work extra cute. At the time, however, his big brown eyes and inch long eye lashes were simply selling points. God had reserved room in our hearts and a room in our home for one more child. We were not looking to adopt a little boy. We were very satisfied with the size of our family. God had tendered our hearts over the plight of only one. His birth parents were married when he was born, but they soon gave up on each other and ultimately him. Sadly, the marriage of his second guardians also collapsed, and they sought a family to raise him. His name was Michael but the girls soon nicknamed him “Spud” and it stuck. He was darling, very troubled, and the spitting image of his new Daddy.
Get ready to be blown away! For the last few weeks I’ve felt God urging me to consider adopting two children. I always said we would adopt when God floated Moses (and Miriam and Aaron) up to the front steps. Tonight a friend of ours called to say a woman at her church told her about a family of three children that needed a home. Her jaw dropped because she was one of the very few people we had told about our prayers concerning adoption. She called me later with information. There is a ten-month-old boy M, 21-month-old girl S and ten-year-old B. Their parents are on drugs and B turned them in. The kids are now with their grandmother. She wants to find a home where they can all be together. We told Rachel and she immediately began crying and said it was an answer to prayer. The maturity and faith of this eleven-year-old is remarkable. Today was her “birth”day, the day she accepted Jesus, four years ago. So many times I feel like a failure and then I see the kids loving and having faith. My heart is so full. I am terrified of what the future holds. Rachel’s heart and willingness to sacrifice is Jesus’ love in flesh. All I want is to be obedient. I am overwhelmed and speechless. I see God at work and that is all that matters.
So, my friends, those were the first stirrings of God on our hearts, changing us and molding us into a new family. One that we barely knew existed.