Love in Our 60’s Part 2

Despite an HIV diagnosis at age 59, recognition of betrayal and a divorce, Marty Walden trusted God to heal her deepest wounds and in the process discovered a redemption story beyond her imagination!

When I received my HIV diagnosis and realized the betrayal of my 35 year marriage in 2021 all I could think about was getting out. Getting away and seeking to heal those devastated dark places of my heart and body. Four years ago I could barely set one foot in front of the other, but I just continued in faith one day at a time. I allowed people to love and come around me, support me and keep me fighting.

The hard work of healing and examining my own life and childhood was my main focus for months. Realizing which mistakes were mine and which wounds were done to me. I dug deep and knew without a shadow of a doubt God was with me even when I didn’t feel Him or see Him at work. He has been faithful behind the scenes all these years planning this new season for me. I am awestruck by His goodness. 

Only God could have written the next chapter! His goodness has included an amazing new man in my life……and now husband! You can read the first part of my love story with Dennis here. So many of you have asked me to write part two but I’ve been a little busy getting married and moving to VA! Whew! What an amazing year 2024 was and it’s my great joy to be Mrs. Dennis Deacon. So here’s part two!

Our match on eharmony!

Dennis and I spent hours upon hours getting to know each other in the two weeks before our first date. I told him about the list I made of “qualifications” I wanted in a husband if I ever got married again. I can’t explain it, but he checked so many of the boxes.

One of the first things he shared with me was he has been a recovering alcoholic for 26 years. When he did AA he went through the 12 step program and also did counseling. It was years of living life one day at a time and discovering that God wasn’t done with his story, either! He really seemed to know himself and immediately I checked the box as being willing to seek outside help if one or both of us needed it.

Dennis’s story of overcoming alcohol and getting sober is incredible and was the point where he truly met God for the first time. He’s very humble and quickly credits God for turning his life around. When he shared this story with me there was such intimacy in his words because he was trusting me with the lowest point in his life. There was no shame on his part considering he had done the difficult work of facing his demons and healing.

Before we even met I told him I asked the Lord for it all. I wanted it all. Romance, friendship, walking hand-in-hand with a man who made me feel safe. I once told my counselor I didn’t even know if marriage appealed to me again because it was such work. And she said, “it’s not like that when both of you are committed. You carried your marriage for so long and tried to keep it together all alone.”

It seemed like everything we threw out in those early conversations one or both of us had already thought through. The 100 miles distance was one of the biggest obstacles. I knew that if I wasn’t willing to move there was no reason to continue the relationship. Dennis has a teenage daughter he shares with his ex, and I would never have asked him to move to Greensboro.

Somehow I just felt I wasn’t supposed to put boundaries on God. How could I even think about leaving my kids, grandkids, friends and community? God was so gracious to me in those two years after the separation and gave me people to love me through the darkest valley. Yet even in those first first days I felt God calling me to the mountains of VA. I didn’t understand and still can’t explain it but I felt God’s approval to walk (or run!) into a new season.

Here are a few private words from my journal during those early days.

Dennis and I have talked so many hours these almost 14 days. I asked him what he was most looking forward to on Friday and he said just looking at me. I feel like a school girl with her first crush but this makes my heart flutter. I can’t describe how different this relationship already feels. Dennis sees me. Regardless of whether this is meant to be (which I believe it is) he has shown me there are good men still remaining in the world.  I know I didn’t trust God with this area and God has still shown up big time. So awed by His goodness. 

I think we both understand if Friday goes well how hard it’s going to be for him to say goodbye and leave. He has become my safe place, my hope and my dreams. He is amazed that I’m trusting him, and so am I. But there’s no guile or deception in him. I hope he’s the good man I prayed and hoped for.

He’s already been doing some research on the immune system, and what natural remedies might help with my HIV. He’s proactive and concerned and willing to do whatever it takes to keep me healthy. The future doesn’t scare him, but instead excites him. He’s taking a risk with me because I pray I have many years left but can’t guarantee that. I often feel like I’ve had this death sentence hanging over me and it’s been lifted. Hope is a fragile thing. It can be fearful if your faith is not in God. 

I realize I could’ve dated some real frogs and yet Dennis is the first one I genuinely connected with.  And he may be THE one. Tomorrow will tell so much and I can’t wait for him to get here and yet I’m also sad he’s going to leave. I just feel so honored by God‘s goodness. I am such a broken hearted woman. Dennis sees through the brokenness to my courage and faith. Everything he does is life-giving for me.

He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me feel like I’m 18 again and life is full of promise. He isn’t afraid of the HIV and has such compassion and dare I say tenderness toward me. How can this be through only a few phone calls?!

Yet I can’t explain the intensity of these calls, but every day brings me closer to being unafraid. I know I will have butterflies when he comes to see me for our first date. But unbelievably, I sense no red flags around getting in the car with him or having him in the house.

First date selfie

Our first date:

Today Dennis came to see me and I locked Carson up so when he walked in the door, I could give him a hug. Such a sweet way to begin our first date! I showed him around my little cottage and he loved the way I created such a charming home. Then we just sat on the couch and Carson absolutely was an attention hog. No surprise! Dennis has little dogs so Carson is a lot in my little home! It was really awkward at first between the two of us. It got better when I reached for his hand first. I could tell he was shy and such a gentleman and didn’t want to cross any boundaries or do anything wrong.

Yes, I made the first move! It really wasn’t a move as much as it was an affirmation that I liked what I saw! (And apparently he did, too!!!) We talked past time for lunch until 130 and I offered to fix us a sandwich. (Later I would learn he was tickled because his lunch every day is a sandwich! So basically he fell in love with me through turkey and cheese on sourdough bread!)

I was texting my best friend Ellen every hour to let her know that I had not been kidnapped (per Ellen’s and my daughter Rachel’s firm instructions!)

Dennis brought me some of the micro greens he grows and sells as his part time job (semi-retired). I had never heard of micro greens but they are the shoots of salad vegetables such as sunflower shoots, beetroot, broccoli, radish, etc., picked just after the first leaves have developed.

Since my best friend lives on the same street I did introduce him to her and her husband. Dennis was a good sport and didn’t fuss. He knows I have a lot of people invested in keeping me safe! They made coffee, so the three of them sat around drinking it and chit chatting. Stephen asked him about his passions and I finally had to say we had to go because we’d been there about an hour. (I might have wanted to keep him to myself!) Steve asked Dennis if I need to ask you about your intentions for Marty yet? I just about crawled under a rock and died. Dennis kind of laughed, and when we got to the door, he shook Steve‘s hand and said as this relationship moves along, I will let you know. 

Ellen and I on a train ride to the state fair in Raleigh NC

I DID NOT EXPECT THAT! Not only was I surprised but I was touched. My group of seven closest girlfriends wanted to keep me safe, but their husbands were also part of the tribe supporting me after the divorce.

Dennis certainly held his own, but I asked Ellen about her impression later. She said we seemed smitten with each other, he was a very nice man and was comfortable with himself. Rachel had messaged her on Facebook to make sure I hadn’t been murdered. All my protective family and friends lol

Our first picture together

We went out to dinner and came back to my house for a short time. Eventually, he put his arms around me, and we just held each other. It was the sweetest, most peaceful, delightful feeling. A feeling of safety, acceptance and allowing myself to believe in love again. 

My thoughts after our first date:

I hear the phrase redemption story going over and over in my head. My counselor Beth told me I would have a redemption story one day, but I didn’t expect it to also contain a promise of a love story. I feel like this next year is one that’s going to blow up my life in the very best of ways. Through my HIV story and courage, a possible book, a life with Dennis. He has made me believe my body can be more than what I think and is capable of both physical and emotional healing.

But did he kiss me on our first date??? You’ll have to come back for part 3 and find out!

Sorry to leave you hanging but there’s so much more to the story! I’m having a blast reading over my MANY journal entries when we first met. We are a living, breathing, miraculous God story.

NOW LET ME SAY A WORD ABOUT RED FLAGS!

From the very beginning getting to know each other, I prayed constantly that God would show me if there were concerns, red flags, that Dennis wasn’t the one for me. Many things that probably should have caused me to pause didn’t. I felt safe with him in a way I’d never experienced before. I would continue to pray for red flags in the months to follow and all God gave me was a peace that passed all understanding!

I’ve spent years in counseling learning to trust myself again after looking at the wreckage of my first marriage and health. There are important people in my life who hold me accountable for my choices and decisions. I seek to stay close to God so He can impress upon me when something isn’t right. These are the reasons there were no red flags Dennis and I couldn’t work through as we got to know each other.

I’ll tell you what I always tell my followers. Your story is not over and neither is mine. God took the crumbs of a broken life and family and knit them together into something new and unexpected. This is what He does best and the way He delights in loving His children. Don’t lose hope because the sturdy arms of Jesus are longing to hold you when the world has rejected you. I hope my story helps someone who believes there’s nothing to live for. Trust that God is working something beautiful that you can’t see right now but will be revealed in His time and in His ways. Don’t give up my friends.