I have always wondered the validity of the idea that the body can remember traumatic events and the anniversaries of those events even when our conscious mind does not. This doubting Thomas no longer doubts. Today I was having a conversation with our lawyer about my mom’s death and our family’s loss. I was telling him more about my sister’s death from a heart attack in 2000 and it was as if someone punched me in the stomach and pierced my heart. A physical hurt rushed over me and the grief was palpable. October 2nd is the anniversary of my sister’s death. I knew that but hadn’t given it any conscious thought. My heart, however, remembered the sting of the loss. My body felt the weight of her absence in my life, in the lives of her family.
Amidst all the joyous preparations and hectic last minute details of my daughter’s wedding there is still an ache at the absence of those we love: my sister, who loved Rachel so completely and was an amazing aunt; my dad, whose body completed its earthly journey and was healed in heaven; my mom, whose life was cut short by negligence beyond my control. They are made complete and new now but their absence is felt and remembered.