It has been a hard week for me.
I’ve been dealing with some physical symptoms for a few months that we just couldn’t nail down with a precise cause.
My dad had colon cancer so the dreaded over 50 colonoscopy was part of the discovery process. Glad to say I’m perfectly clean. (All you over 50 readers can say an “amen” to what that involved!)
Then there was an investigation into some female “issues” and an outpatient procedure this week to remove two polyps from my uterus. This meant a couple of days waiting on tissue samples that were benign, thank you Lord!
But those days of waiting and general exhaustion this week knocked me out flat. I was not expecting that.
I did not like one little itty bit not being able to physically “do” all those things on my list.
True confession. I am a doer. The idea of resting and just “being” is so foreign to me. Somewhere in me is the belief that I have more value when I can see my list all checked off and completed.
I was aptly name after the biblical Martha, rushing around making sure everything is done to validate that never ending to do list.
This week the possibility of one day losing my health nagged at me, flushing my security and opening up old wounds.
You don’t lose your beautiful sister at age 53 from a heart attack without fearing for yourself and those you love, holding on tighter than God intended.
October 2 is the 14th anniversary of her death. Moments filled with personal pain and loss stab at the foundation of all I believe to be true.
I am familiar with grief. It is a lonely, unsettling path to walk.
You don’t lose your precious mom to nursing home neglect without experiencing overwhelming loss.
Somewhere this week fear and anxiety became my companion, and I failed to grasp the hand of the One who has never left my side.
Over the years I’ve kept prayer cards for my family. Simple 4×6 index cards with the scriptures I was praying over their lives.
Verses on guarding their hearts, watching their tongues, overcoming fear.
These cards are a reminder of where we’ve been, the trials we’ve walked through and survived.
This week has taken back to those years of unknowns, where putting one foot in front of the other took a heroic effort of strength and surrender.
Somewhere along the way I forgot about the power of these cards.
The strength of God’s word breathed over anxiety and fear.
Today I made new cards for my family and myself. Scriptures to remind me that I’m not alone.
No matter where my life’s journey takes me, I know I am not alone.