Giving up the Dream

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I hear and read about so many RAD moms struggling with the loss of their “dreams”. 
Dreams

dreams of a happy, healthy family
dreams of siblings enjoying each other’s company
dreams of rested sleep and peaceful nights
dreams of financial security
dreams of happy children
dreams of safety
dreams of “normal”
The Reality:
constant hypervigilance
PTSD symptoms
years in therapy
IEPs and years of trials with the educational system
abandonment by family
alarms on doors
loss of freedom, both yours and theirs
financial devastation
CPS investigations
forsaken by the church

If this is your life, I want to encourage you on this journey.

I know what I’m talking about. My life is nothing like I pictured it. I was going to be an actor (said in most proper voice), perform around the country and on cruise ships, sing my way through life.
I was done after two kids. We couldn’t afford anymore and I only had patience for the two I had. We even made sure that was a reality.
I never dreamed of being a stay at home mom. Homeschooling? Never heard of it. I loved public school. My children would, too.
Living on love? Heck, no. I wanted financial security because I sure didn’t grow up with any.
Losing my sister at age 53? No way. She and I were tight. Yard sale buddies, babysitters, caretakers of our parents. Couldn’t live without her. Yet she died anyway.
Adoption? Yeah, right. Two was enough. Remember? And don’t tell me that it will cause more heartache than I knew was possible. Rose colored glasses are my favorite.
If you’ve read any of my blog you hopefully know that I shoot straight. I don’t tell everything of our journey. But I tell enough. Enough for you to know that I’ve been in that all encompassing, dark, desperate pit. No hope. No light. No dreams. Every time I talk to another mom who is hurting and disillusioned I feel their pain. 
Yet through all the trials and heartaches God has impressed one thing upon my heart.
It is about dying to MYSELF.
My dreams. My desires.
My planned out life.
Want to make God laugh? Tell Him about your plans.

Holding onto your dreams can make you resentful.
Bitter.
Lonely.
Faithless.
Replacing those dreams with a heart for God’s best will bring you freedom.
Will it be easy?
Absolutely not.
Will it hurt?
Maybe every day.
Take time to grieve. It hurts.
Take time to be angry. No one deserves this.
Give God all your pain. Why did you allow this to happen?
God can replace those unfulfilled dreams with new ones.
His best is “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20).
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Comments

  1. Amen. Absolutely beautiful…and spot on!

  2. Can I just say I love your blog? Again?!

  3. Absolutely beautiful. Love your wisdom. Thank you for always sharing your heart so sincerely.

  4. Dying to self, daily.

    I fought so hard against it . . . and yet I’m thankful today that I DO.

    Because I like the ‘me’ God is molding a whole lot better than the me I was building.

    I love the YOU He is building too. (((hug)))

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