We trauma mamas lead stressful lives. Our kids live in a place of fear and survival. A place not conducive to relaxation.
But this last year for me has been beyond stressful. It has tugged at my heart and sent me on a roller coaster ride of emotions.
The biggest stressors:
Left old church, time of transition to new one. Not plugged in yet.
My mom very sick, physically gets better but mental faculties diminish. Dies of hypothermia outside her facility during the early hours of Christmas Eve.
Pending lawsuit against her facility.
Husband’s work has been spotty at best (self employed).
Daughter gets engaged. Wedding plans full throttle.
Son graduates from 13 years of homeschooling. Prepares to move to college.
Husband a few months from finishing online school and preparing for God to open the doors for full-time worship ministry for him.
Yes, that probably means moving from our home of 20 years and our established lives and resources and encouragement.
I get blasted from an adult adoptee blogger with the most vicious words I’ve ever had directed at me.
Had to have an ultrasound of my carotid artery and an MRI of the neck to see if there were any concerns with my heart (my sister died at age 53 of a heart attack and it is rampant in my family).
If I took a stress test now I’m pretty sure my BP would be a wee bit elevated 🙂
All this to say, life happens. Our therapist asked me to consider if there would ever be a time when my life wasn’t stressful. Whether God was giving me opportunities to minister to others who were suffering, to be a godly mentor to both my children and other women. Every day is an opportunity to display and live out my faith in a God that loves me beyond my understanding.
I will take this day as it comes, warts and blemishes and ugliness and discomfort and all. I will cling to the hand of the One who promised to carry me when I could no longer walk.