It’s been a long creative dry spell since I’ve blogged. Two months to be exact. Where has the time gone? This morning I dropped Joshua, my baby, (not really, but my birth baby) off to take the PSAT. Whenever the kids have driver’s ed or PSAT, etc. and I take them to public high school I feel like I’m dropping them in the pits of hell! I actually enjoy walking the halls and seeing the lockers and classrooms and all the reminders of my high school experience. But it’s a different world, a scary one. The homes these kids come from are radically different. The clothes they wear are radically different (button downs were in style when I was in high school!) The methods of discipline are radically different and probably not even effective. I don’t mean to condemn public schools but where is the love of learning, of finding out who you are in God’s eyes and appreciating all of God’s creations?
I struggle with my call to homeschool. I struggle with the day to day exhaustion of it all. I feel inadequate, a poor example of motherhood. I want to send them all off and have the day to myself. Just being honest! Some days my attitude stinks. But what my kids see is a real human being. One who sins and asks forgiveness. Someone who fails often but always picks herself up by God’s strength. A mom who always wants the best for her children, while seeking to find the passion and calling in her own life. I compare myself to other women and their families and let Satan bring me down. Then I have to get in God’s word and get right. God has called our family to this ministry. And it is a ministry. We minister to the kids and they minister to us each day. But it’s bigger than that. It’s seeing a world watching us and knowing we can make a difference. That we must live our lives in front of others as an encouragement of how big our God really is. That in the end it won’t matter how many worksheets we did or what the PSAT score is if our children’s hearts aren’t right with the Lord. My main goal in homeschooling has always been that our children would know God in such an intimate way that by the end of their education they would know what He wants them to do with their lives, day by day. Lord, don’t let me forget why we started this journey 15 years ago and give me the strength to run the race.